It is strange to say that. It still does not seem real. I have been on this journey, off and on, my entire life.
One of the tools I use most often in the type of therapy I practice is perspective taking. I ask my clients to compare their actions, thoughts, and feelings they experience right now, to some time in the past. Sometimes it is from when they walked into session, sometimes it is from a year ago. Whats the goal in this? It is a couple of things.
One is the ability to be here, in the present moment. By attending to your current state and being present with your thoughts you are in a place of awareness. In a place of awareness, we are also in a position to take action. Having the ability to be aware of the thoughts your mind is telling you gives you the ability to test those thoughts. Are they true? Is something influencing them? Are the judgments? Do you have to believe them? Sometimes our thoughts trick us into thinking we are bad people, failures, stupid, wrong, or any other variety of things.
Second, is the ability to identify change. What has changed over time? Have you grown? Have the thoughts you have become more productive, or less? Do you spend more time making choices which guide you to the kind of person you want to be, or are you caught up in your thoughts? Stuck. Its easy to get caught up in judgments.
I, for example, spend a great deal of time listening to this internal message that "I am not good enough," "I am a bad person," " I am not a good student," even when I have evidence to the contrary. So I spend some time, when these thoughts seem to be a little louder or a little more frequent, taking perspective. If I reflect on where I was 10 years ago compared to where I was today, what do I see? What about 20 years ago? Where those messages the same? Did I have evidence to back it up?
Now look at today. Am I those thoughts? No. How do I know? I know because I do good things, I have friends who love me, I have a high grade point average, I will have a graduate degree. None of these things back up the negative messages. With that evidence, I can make a choice not to believe them.
Are they still there? Sure. Do I like them? NO. Can I continue to live my life, do the things I find valuable and strive to be the person I want to be while hearing those thoughts? Yes. I can choose each day to do the things that feed my soul.
I was a bad student when I was younger. I did bad things to people. I felt that I was a disappointment to everyone who ever thought I was worth anything. Even with that, I knew who I wanted to be. Even during the times when my judgment was poor I would choose to do little things that contradicted those messages. I would help an old lady across the street. I would put my last dollar in the Salvation Army bucket at Christmas, I would sit and listen to the alcoholic homeless person on the streets and offer them some empathy. I took action, even small, even when i felt trapped and like I had no choice, to do something good and contrary to those messages.
Today, I am a good person. I volunteer, make charitable contributions, support my friends selflessly, care for others and strive, in almost everything I do, to lessen the struggle of other humans. I am good enough for everything I have ever wanted. I work hard. I play hard. I am the only one who can hold myself back from my goals. I am intelligent. I challenge my own thoughts. I read. I have received academic awards and have a high GPA. Most of all, I am confident in myself.
Sometimes its good to take perspective. Especially when those old messages still sit at the back of your mind. Take them out. Stop carrying them with both hands. Set them down and continue to do the things that are important to you. You will find success if you do.
