Depression Blows

Depression is weird.
 I was really, really down for the last few weeks/month.  Really down. I was struggling to stay afloat and even just get out of bed everyday.  I spent my weekends hold up in the house.  If you know me at all, you know how uncharacteristic it is for me not to either be out doing something or spending time with friends.  I hated everything.  I was not good enough to want anyone to bother wasting their time with me.

Things started to turn around this weekend.  I sucked it up and went out, even when I wanted nothing more than to go to bed and sleep.  I laughed. I drank.  I had fun with one of my closest friends. I felt less hopeless. I went for a swim.  I played with the dog.  I did not HATE work(still don't love it) and I have not just come home and gone straight to bed.
Are things totally better? No.
Do I still struggle with hopelessness? Yes. Frequently through the day.
Do I still just want to come home and sleep or call in sick to work? Yes.
Do I still have thoughts that are destructive and make me want to run away? Yes.
Do I think I am not worth it? No.
Do I want to give up? No.
Do I remind my self, every day, what is important to me? Yes.
Do I challenge the thoughts that tell me I am (Insert insult here)? Yes.

The message here is to keep moving.  Each day do one thing.  Start small.  Make yourself do something.  If you don't do it, show yourself some compassion and reinvest in yourself for something more attainable.  It is OK to be unhappy and it is OK to want to take a little break.  Ask yourself though, if I take that break, how will that help me to be the person I want to be?
What steps do you need to take to keep walking that path?  You may never get there, but the journey is where you will find the richness of life.