This experience has shown me how much healthier I am now than I use to be.  I would have ran away from all this a few years ago.  I would have called people I shouldn't  and done things to make the pain go away.  I would be in a car somewhere, in a new city, not feeling anything.
I would have pushed every one away with my temper and my self focus.  I would have burned bridges and destroyed as much as I possibly could.  Misery loves company.
Instead I have learned to breathe.  To sit with the pain, just as in good times I sit with the happiness.  I have learned to watch my thoughts, to test their reality.  I am able to notice the judgments and facilities more easily now.  I am able to take that moment and weigh the consequences of my actions.  I am aware of what kind of person I want to be.  I know the path I want to take and I strive to maintain the direction which will keep me on the journey I want to take.  I make the choice to walk that path.
Today that path is filled with obstacles. It is filled with fallen trees, ravines to cross, its pouring rain and mother nature is blasting biting winds.  It will pass.  The road will get easier for a time, just as it was easy once before. The key is to put on the rain coat and rubber boots and keep moving forward until the weather clears.

This blog is really not turning out the way I thought it would.